“Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are”

I am not sure where the above quote originated from, but I have heard it so many times that I’ve had to re-evaluate how I define what a friend is and who I can truly call a friend. When I was growing up in Cameroon, I had this friend, Kelly. Every morning, she was at my house, sometimes before sunrise, to wake me up to go play. We’d play from sunrise to sunset and sometimes even forget to eat. Some days I’d hear my grandmother screaming my name from a mile down the road. Kelly was my first true friend. One morning, Kelly never came to the house and I slept until about 11 a.m. I finally woke up, but my grandmother did not want me to go to her house. Being a good child that I was, I listened. A half an hour later, she still said no. Let’s be honest, I’m very stubborn. I ended up sneaking out of the house and going to Kelly’s house. You had to go down a hill to get to her house and by the time I was halfway down, I noticed a huge gathering of people at her house. I got scared and slowed down as I did not know what was happening. By this time my grandmother had noticed I wasn’t home and caught up to me. She stopped me and told me that Kelly never woke up that morning. I did not know what death was, but I cried and cried and cried. I was six, she was five.

I guess my definition of a friend is someone I’d cry for if I were to lose them. It’s difficult finding people like that these days if we are being honest. Playing the long game means identifying people you want to be teammates in the long run. How many of your friends know where you work? Do you know where your friends work? What about their favorite color? What motivates them? What gets them out of a bad period? Their mental health? Do they ask where you see yourself in a few years and vice versa? It’s not always about, “Yo, what are we doing tonight? Friendship is much more than that. Have you ever visited someone you thought was your friend and they found it/you weird for visiting, because “who does that?” LOL, can you imagine?!

One of my Kenyan friends used to work at an airplane hangar, and he knew that I love planes. One day he invited me over and gave me a tour of the place. I even got to sit inside one of the private jets they had. As much I enjoyed visiting, he enjoyed being able to share what he’s passionate about with a friend. I’ve always felt that people will eventually show you their true colors over time. You can’t buy friendship. You will have good days, and you will have bad days with your friends, but every good and true friendship will stand the test of time.

One very important thing to note is that you’re not the only one playing the long game. That friend you think will be a good teammate, in the long run, might not see you the same way. In such instances, don’t force the issue. Mutuality is key and when you find your real teammates, love and cherish them because they might be taken from you at any moment.

A brand-new year is upon us. A brand-new decade for that matter. Don’t just carry anything with you into this new decade. Bring what inspires you, what motivates you. Bring what makes you tick and brings the best out of you. Bring you joys, your happiness, your positivity triggers… BUT most importantly, bring what you love

Boy D’jine
snapsbybel - The Dusty Foot Photographer