I’m going to make this short and sweet!

 I have seen several blog posts about lovely individuals abstaining from sex, all of them have different reasons why they are doing it. And I wanted to come in with a different view. As Africans growing up (back then) we were taught to vilify sex, in the church they teach you if you have sex you will go to hell in your family they teach you good girls don't have sex till they are married, society taught you having sex makes you fast. I moved to the U.S. and there was a shift, sexual liberation! 

 Young people were discussing sex often and loud. I was still shy and believed sex should only be discussed in hushed tones, preferably in a dark room. This meant I didn't fit anywhere, didn't believe in the strict ways of my upbringing but this new life was a little too extreme for me. 

I navigated life while trying to stay in the middle (stuck in the middle lol), not to be too strict for my American friends and not be too liberal for my African friends. And then one day I met amazing folks (shout out to my tribe) who were just like me lost in the sauce with nowhere to belong and that's when I started to find myself. 

It took years but through experience I redefined what sex meant for me and I have stuck to it. Sex for me means pleasure for me when and how I see fit. I don't need to have it to fit in nor do I need to abstain from it to fit in. I don't need to use it to have someone like me. Sex isn't this big monster that will rob me of my sense of self if I have too much of it. Sex is an act it's not an entity, it's an act that I choose whether to have it or not. Just like I choose to drink a glass of water, wear a dress, go to the gym, I can choose to have sex. Liking sex doesn't make me a fiend, not having it doesn't make me a prude. 

I'm just a woman in control and I choose if and when I want to have it. Sometimes it's often and sometimes it's once every 6 months, either way… I'm in control.