Your 20’s, a time of the search. A period of trying to find what direction or path of life you want to walk. A 10 year reflection period where you are constantly asked questions like, where do you see yourself in 5 to 10 years? what are your passions, hopes, dreams, and ambitions? or what is your purpose in life? what do you hope to achieve with your time on earth? Each question feels more and more like an attack on your mental, with flushing feels of fear, sweaty trembling hands, elevated heartbeat, shortness of breath and or tightness of your throat, and an occasional hot flash… oh, wait you're experiencing a panic attack. And of course, let us not forget what might seem like a never-ending track of self-doubt, disappointments and let downs. Heartache, feeling like you have bad luck, looking for a purpose in your life, while also trying to enjoy the beautiful messy chaos that orbits your very existence. Your 20s a time where it all seems possible when that childlike “fearlessness” exerts its last bit of energy, then you are neck-deep in your own crap - (fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, and stress) and the only semblance of sanity that keeps you afloat is that moment you hit your bed and all that chaos from the day fades away as your eyes get heavier and the world you exist in, disappears. For the moment.

“For 7 months I was unemployed, took a risk I believed would benefit me, but it all ended up blowing up in my face. I got a lot of criticism for it, especially from my family, it drove me to a dark place for a moment. Through it all, I had faith that God would eventually make things right. I believe that all things happen for a reason, and maybe the path I choose was not the path I should have been walking on. I didn't let the situation drive me to deep depression, I hustled and tried to keep my pride up, also shout out to mom, I don't know what I would do without her love and support, she is the best. I could not give up; I don't think I could live with myself it did. I thought my calculated risk would not blow up in my face, but it did, it was the reality I had to live in for 7 months. It was a major learning moment for me, I don't regret taking that risk, and won't be doing that again.  My advice to others is to make sure you are certain before you take a big leap into a new path. Educate yourself, understand your surroundings and new surroundings you want to venture in. Think before you act, but most importantly trust you God and your gut feelings, even if it blows up your face, take that as a learning experience for another try at the same thing or a new path.”

-anonymous

Speaking to a girl in my chemistry class who recently decided not to pursue the nursing program, she told me how she felt “directionless and doesn't know where to go from here on.” With those words flowing out her mouth, I could feel this heavy shadow of uncertainty and fear. The same uncertainty and fear I once experienced once, as I poured out my concerns to my brother one hopeless night.  She continues saying she is thankful for not having parents who pressure her to find her purpose in life, but she feels the urge to get back on a path where she feels like she “belongs”. We sat and talked for moments before getting kicked out of the lab for the next class to come in. We moved our conversation to one of the study rooms in the library and talked some more about our ambitions and how hard it is to stay on our paths. I had my “Dr. Phil hat” with ears wide open, doing my best to pick my words wisely and while helping aid her to a new path. 

“When I graduated high school, I had no idea what I was going to major in. I was not the best student, didn't get the best grades, I graduated with a low GPA. I didn't really have a good support system around to encourage me in anything. Dad left when I was young, and mom is in and out of my life. So, it’s been me, almost all of my life. I made some really bad decisions and I still do. But now, I’ve matured and realized that the world does not stop when I want it to. All my classmates that I graduated with are far ahead of me, and I’m still behind. It's hard, it really is, you're going to be stuck in this field for however long and if you don't like it, you’re going to have to go back to school and learn something else. You never really stop going back to college, everyone is trying to be the next best thing or make this much money, that or work minimum wage job the rest of your life. I knew that was not what I wanted. It took time but, once I knew what I wanted to major in, I read up, I asked questions and worked on convincing myself that this will not only help me, but it will help others. Social Work is the typical major a lot of people go for, but I believe I have the heart and mind now, to push myself through school. So, in the end, I am able to help kids who don’t have that much-needed support system that I didn’t get.”

-anonymous 

One of the many questions I get asked is, “why did you move to Michigan?” I moved here in hopes of taking my future more seriously, school, and also find my path. If you had asked younger me if I was going to be pursuing nursing let alone see myself being a doctor, I would've told you I didn't know what I wanted to be. In my younger years I was so lost in a world I thought I still needed to know, I wanted to have fun and I didn't care what D grade I got. Little did I know, I dimmed my light so low, that older me sometimes gets lost trying to find her way in. I don't know what wake up slap I got, but I thank God for it, if not I don't know what would have become of me if I didn't find myself in Michigan. Still, I have to learn, habits I am working on dismissing, and material things I have to let go. I also keep in mind that not everything is set in stone. The future I seek may change and I have to learn to deal with it but also keep pushing. 

“I never believed in God; I don't know I grew up in a household where faith was not a thing we spoke about.  My family didn't attend church like other families on Sundays, we didn't pray before a meal, there was no spiritual foundation in my home. I grew up not knowing any God. I was aware that others had a faith, nor did I disrespect them. I wasn't an atheist or non-believer; I just didn't have a faith or a God to worship. It wasn't until mid-February when the snow falls harder here in Michigan, when my 2009 Toyota corolla, took a turn for the worse on the highway. My car filled 3 times, the doctors said it was a miracle and that God must've been watching over me. At that moment that's where it all came to light, questions, lots of them. I bought a bible the moment I was able to find the courage to drive again. From there you can almost paint the picture for yourself. Speaking about it now it all seems surreal, how profound a single moment can reshape your whole existence. From not having faith in having one, some days I sit and think what if I never went out that day? or what if that doctor never said those words to me? where I would be now? I am grateful, still terrified but grateful that I live, and I am able to outweigh my experience with my faith for God.” 

-anonymous 

 I’m freshly new into my 20s and I feel I need to air out my wounds for those who want to bear witness of how difficult it is to keep up. Don't get me wrong I am not complaining, I am blessed to be where I am currently in life. I’ve come a long way from, overcoming so much self-doubt, disappointments and disapprovals, letting myself down and others down and going through whirls of emotions. But, In it all, I’ve grown, I’ve gotten better and now I’m able to run the race. If you don't get it, then life must be peachy for you. I'm writing this for those who are screaming “say it louder for those in the back” my fellow “millennials” you are not alone. We are not wrong for wanting to do something greater than us, wanting our life and work to matter. You are not wrong for taking that semester off to recharge, you are not wrong for switching paths, you are not wrong for being human. The road ahead won't always be perfect, yet we subconsciously expect the path we walk on to be “straight-forward”, we want to walk down a well-lit path with a cascading waterfall clearly in view from start to finish. 

Not every journey is the same, we don’t all see the same light at the end of the tunnel. One thing I’ve learned is that life is unexpected and expected, keep pushing it’s not over till you say it’s over. 

“Being lost is the exact spot that you will be found”