Freeze, Freezing, Frozen… What is Frozen?
It’s cold outside… not talking about the Christmas song! Yeah, Christmas is long gone but it’s still winter season. On some days it may be freezing cold outside and sometimes even inside too; inside as in within ourselves. This could translate as being stuck in a comfort zone or having difficulty letting go of something that no longer helps us grow or is in the way of us growing. Which is better; flowing water or stagnant water? Think for a moment about what happens to stagnant water.
How is the year unfolding thus far for you on an individual level? Given what happened at the US Capitol barely a week into the year can make us feel doubtful about what’s to come. Not to talk of stories of the new Covid-19 variant (guess we can call it Version 2.0) now in the US. I’ll like to stay hopeful and not feel frozen stuck in 2020 or feel that 2020 is creeping into 2021. It may or may not; it is all about perspective/mindset.
Have you watched the movie Frozen or do you consider it a kids-only movie? Well, its target audience is children but I think it has a message that adults could use. Back in November 2015, I took my youngest brother and cousins to go watch a live show of the movie Frozen. Prior to that, I don't recall hearing about the movie. I do love musicals even though I’m not much of a TV person and I love live shows/plays as well. As much as my youngest brother and cousins were excited about the movie, I was more curious about how the movie was going to be brought to life.
A little background story about my state of mind during that point in time. I had just graduated from graduate school in May of that year and had been studying to take the board exam. I was freshly out of a relationship; barely a week or so. I had postponed my board exam because my emotions were all over the place; sometimes feeling mentally frozen from the breakup, so focusing on studying wasn’t happening. More on the background story here…
Seated in the basketball arena where the movie unfolded, my youngest brother and cousins were all giddy while I unconsciously zoned out into processing the end of the relationship (more detail on this in my upcoming book). Then came the applause in the arena as the movie/play started, drawing my attention back to the present moment. Some of that moment has stayed with me since then to the point that I find myself replaying them in my head surprisingly during the colder months of the year especially when it snows and or freezes outside.
At the beginning of the movie, Elsa is playing with her sister Anna forming ice/snow patches, and mistakenly injures her sister, their parents take Anna to see Grandfather Troll so Anna can be healed. He said, You are lucky it is not the heart...; the heart is not easily changed but the mind can be persuaded… fear will be your enemy. At that moment, I thought to myself, why does it take so long for the heart to accept what the mind/brain has already accepted? I sometimes still ask myself that question not necessarily in relationship-related situations but when life’s journey takes a different turn be it work-related, friendship, or otherwise. Do you ever wonder the same?
During Elsa’s coronation party, her sister Anna asked for her blessing to get married. Elsa’s reply was “You can’t marry a man you just met.” That made me chuckle given my state of mind then… January to October (which is how long I had been in that ‘relationship’) didn’t sound like “just met” but what quantifies “just met” anyway? Then Elsa walked away while Anna followed her trying to get her attention, Anna reached for Elsa’s hand pulling off one of her gloves. In Anna’s attempt to still get Elsa’s attention, Elsa gets angry and her freezing powers go into action. In that moment, I remember wishing I had powers to give the guy a taste of the ache I was feeling but I realized that the more I felt resentful, the achier I felt. I had always heard that forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for the self; easier said than done but admitting that was the first step in the healing journey.
At the beginning of the movie when Anna and Elsa were playing as kids, it appears that it was Anna’s head that was injured/frozen, so she was easily healed. When they got older, it appears it was Anna’s heart that got injured/frozen. Anna thought the man she had introduced to her sister that she wanted her blessing to get married to would be the one to give her a true love kiss to prevent her from freezing but she found out she was wrong about that. Instead, he wanted Elsa to be killed in order to bring back summer and save the land from ice destruction.
Olaf (Snowman) to Anna: What happened to your kiss?
Anna: I was wrong about him.
Olaf: We’ve got to find an act of true love to save you… putting someone else’s needs before yours isn’t…
It turns out it was the love from Elsa that defrosted her iced-up sister Anna. In Olaf’s words “love will thaw a frozen heart.” I however thought that Anna would love herself out of that frozen situation but I didn’t write the movie so… The Let it go soundtrack to the movie was befitting. On one hand, we may become dependent on love (not necessarily romantic love) from others to save us or pull us out of a funk. On the other hand, it may be the little nudge we need to get rolling but we shouldn’t live life expecting it because we may be expecting ‘oranges from an avocado tree’. More on that perspective here .
So what’s the point being made here? Why share a 2015 experience in 2021? Well, the memory crossed my mind as last year was winding down. It helped me reflect to see if I'm holding on to anything and if there are things to let go of. Another mental difficulty with this season could be the experience with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) which is described as a feeling of sometimes profound sadness typically experienced during the Fall through Winter and early Spring months associated with the shorter daylight. It may be severe in some people presenting with symptoms similar to depression. More information on that via the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).
Given my educational background then, I was close to self-diagnosing but given the relationship breakup, the feeling of sadness was a typical grieving process. I however monitored myself as the season unfolded to make sure it was just grieving and not SAD. Between 2017 and 2019 during the winter months, I noticed my mood changing as the season changed and it wasn’t relationship-related so, in the fall of 2019, I sought counseling. I had no resistance in seeking counseling because I did in grad school (story here) and with my professional background, I knew I needed it. I must say last year's fall and into this year’s winter, despite the pandemic, I have been in a better mental space. Not that everything has been smooth and dandy, it hasn’t been as mentally foggy and weighed down compared to the previous years.
There are a lot of misconceptions in the African community surrounding seeking counseling/therapy. I’m not a counselor by profession; I am an Occupational Therapist, A Certified Mental Health First Aider. We as a community need to work together in decreasing these misconceptions because it could be holding us back from getting help in order to thrive and journey towards our greatest potential. Life can be challenging, there are helpful resources that we willingly have to seek. What we know or don’t know can be limiting or liberating.
Whatever is frozen or feels frozen within, let it go. It may sound easier said than done but the first step to letting go is consciously deciding to let go and then actively taking steps towards letting go. It doesn't happen overnight but taking the first step in the right direction helps. Exhale whatever is weighing you down. It doesn’t necessarily have to be romantic relationship related; it could be friendship, family-ship, work-related, or business-related... Resentment towards others, self, or situations can make us feel frozen. Trying to control outcomes that are beyond us can make us feel frozen. Letting go doesn’t dismiss what happened, it acknowledges what happened without keeping us frozen stuck in the situation that happened.
Letting go may be seen as giving up but s/he who wears the shoes knows where it hurts. What would be the point of holding onto something that isn’t there? Let it go and believe in yourself. Believe in your ability to heal, believe in your potential. Believe in yourself so much that any external belief or love from other people is just icing on the cake. Sometimes as adults, we even take off the icing from the cake before eating it. So, see yourself as cake and anything external is the icing. Acknowledge and appreciate the icing. Just don't revel in it or dwell so much on it that it becomes an expectation. Redefine your why if needed, examine your mindset. It may require facing your fears.
What are you believing in yourself for this new year? They say 2021 is 21 now and grown-up. Let's bring on our 2021 positivity energy staying hopeful. What is yours?