Are You One of Them?
It’s been a while since I wrote a blog post; my last blog post was in June of last year. It’s not that I didn’t have something to write about; I actually have a running list of topics to write about. The motivation to write was fueled by the discussions that followed but based on my observations or perception; it appears reading of any sort is fading/dying. Not like it was very much alive before; with WhatsApp status duration at 30 seconds and Instagram stories at 15 seconds, our attention span is fleetingly down to seconds which used to be minutes. Now we are all just tapping through to see how much we can cover in a short period of time.
So are you one of them? One of them as in a feminist? Don’t feel attacked, it is just a question. If you are, why are you? If you aren’t, why aren’t you? Irrespective of the gender you identify with; We Should All Be Feminist; A book by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I haven’t read that book but the title is intriguing; so it is on my to-read list. I recently read A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by the same author. Prior to reading this book, I had read a number of articles here and there about feminism and listened to some podcast discussions about it, all of which presented some conflicting and or contradicting views that left me not wanting to identify as a feminist or with feminism.
March is Women’s History Month and last month was Black History Month. This book; A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions cuts across both subject matters. It is a very short and easy read; I read it within about three hours. It is a book worth reading; not only for women but men as well, irrespective of whether you identify as a feminist, with feminism or not at all. There is always something new to learn even if you don’t agree with it. Keeping an open mind and a growth mindset will take you places. It is possible to understand someone’s point of view and still not agree with it.
Prior to reading this book, I didn’t identify as a feminist nor with feminism. But after reading it, it opened my mind and gave me a completely different way of viewing feminism to the point where I see ways in which I align with it; maybe not totally/entirely yet! I will highlight two to three points that stood out to me and I would like to read your thoughts on those suggestions. Even better, get the book, and let’s talk about all the suggestions.
The author starts with the premise; “I matter. I matter equally. Not “if only.” Not “as long as.” I matter equally. Full stop.” As I read that, it reminded me of a phrase that I hear but personally don’t like. The phrase; “what a man can do, a woman can do better.” Along the same line as the author mentioned, I said to myself; I matter, not in comparison to what I can do in relation to a man, I matter full stop. In my opinion, the idea of comparing a woman’s abilities or capabilities to that of a man really has no basis. It’s like comparing fruits and vegetables, they serve different purposes. Do women do a lot or more in terms of bearing and raising/nurturing children, caring for the home and family (sometimes including extending), and working alongside; absolutely yes!
Another phrase that comes to mind (not from the book) which links to the above point; if a fish is judged by its ability to climb a tree it will live the rest of its life believing…; complete the phrase if you know it ;). Men naturally don’t have the ability to bear children but they sure can be part of raising, nurturing, and caring. Even though Men are typically raised to be providers while women are typically raised to be homemakers; specifics are mentioned in the book on the pink-blue binary and gender-neutral. There is always room to unlearn old patterns that no longer serve a moment in time and learn new patterns. The question is the willingness and open-mindedness to learn.
Another quote from the book which I agree with is “...never, ever say such nonsense as my money is my money and his money is our money. It is vile.” I guess that line is self-explanatory… Also, she mentions; be kind and non-judgmental, being non-judgmental doesn’t mean don’t have an opinion. It’s about how the information is presented; however, it may not be interpreted the way it was presented or intended because we tend to understand people from our experience and not from their point of view.
A point that made me jump up in loud screaming agreement from the laid down position that I was in when reading was this; “Feminism Lite, judging powerful women more harshly that powerful men.” The next point was about teaching children to read by leading by example; reading other books, not just school-related books. “Reading is valuable in becoming arguably more knowledgeable than conventionally educated children.” It helps in understanding and questioning the world, self-expression, and self-discovery.
A point that started off with me agreeing but ended up with me wondering if I really agree with it was the point of questioning language. My understanding of this point was; ask questions for understanding rather than just agree because it has been like that. For example, why say ‘a lady mechanic’ instead of just saying “the woman is a mechanic.” The author concluded that point by saying “the premise of chivalry is female weakness.” This line threw me off because I’m not sure how this ties into the mechanic example and the other examples under this point.
To conclude; here is a question from the author for the men: will you be willing to change your name to your wife’s name? This one had me literally laughing out loud.
So are you one of them?