Have You Ever…?

What is something you have done that may be considered nontraditional or atypical to your culture or not common to you and or those around you? Some things are common to certain areas/cultures/groups of people while those same things are strange to other areas/cultures/groups of people.

Have you ever gone on a solo breakfast, brunch/lunch or dinner date? Gone to the movies alone? Solo staycation/vacation? I remember when I first shared that I have been on solo brunch/lunch dates, gone to the movies alone and gone on solo staycations, I got looks that appeared to wonder if I was okay. 

Some questions insinuated that only introverts or single people do that; an interesting assumption! Until I shared that I have come across extroverts and married people who do that too.

 So what prompted me to go on my first solo brunch/lunch date years ago? I took interest in reading non-school-related books in middle school. When I got to the United States, I was exposed to other genres of books. I also took interest in reading articles and blogs on lifestyle which is where I read about solo dates and solo travels. When I first read that, I remember thinking; what bravery?! 

I am not much into watching TV; I can go for weeks without turning on the TV. I love inspirational movies but if I watch them at home, I tend to fall asleep. If I watch it with others, I may stay awake if we are occasionally commenting while watching. I find that TV does not hold my attention. On the other hand, give me a book and I can stay up till the next day or if I’m having a thought-provoking conversation.

So back to what got me into solo movie trips; when I came across movies that were showing in the theater that I wanted to watch, I couldn’t find anyone who was available when I was available. Yes, there is beauty in the company which I love when I get to share moments with others and I try to stay present at the moment when I’m with others but I found myself missing out on movies that I really wanted to watch especially the real-life inspiring stories. 

The year I turned 21 which was in the month of March, I told myself that I will challenge myself to go watch a movie alone before that month ends. I picked a Sunday after church and even though my nerves were having the best of me, I made it to the movie theater. I purposely chose to go in when the movie was just about to start so the lights would be off. I was so much in my head wondering what people may be thinking seeing me walk in alone to the point that I ended up with a headache. After the movie (which I can’t seem to remember the title, ha!) I decided to celebrate myself with a solo late lunch date. 

Guess what?! That has been my birthday month tradition since then except during the pandemic year. I randomly do it throughout the year; at most once a month if there’s an inspiring movie showing. Sometimes I notice people staring at me and I stare right back at them until they stop staring first ha-ha! Some people smile at me and I’ll smile back. Are people watching anyone?! Post pandemic, on two occasions to the movie theater, I was the only one in the room; a whole movie theater for one. I must admit I was nervous at first, the thought of past movie theater shootings crossed my mind. They say to live is to risk death, with random shootings just about anywhere, staying home isn’t any safer. We just need to pray and then live. 

In 2016; the year after I graduated from graduate school, I started the solo staycation in the month of March. In 2020, my plan was to go on a solo vacation but the pandemic outbreak started during my birthday month, how nice… (Sarcastically). To be honest I wasn’t looking forward to the solo vacation because the thought of planning out the trip gave me anxiety. Well it’s been two years post pandemic and I’m yet to plan a solo vacation because my nerves get the best of me at the thought of it. It is on my bucket list though!

Have you ever been on a solo date, solo staycation/vacation, or solo anything? If yes, what was the first experience like, and have you continued to do it or was it a one-time thing? If not, what are your thoughts about trying it?

My first experience was very liberating; not necessarily in the moment. I could have possibly walked out of the movie theater but I didn’t. It was liberating me from my own self-limiting thoughts and from the imagined thoughts of others, as well as real/expressed thoughts/opinions of others. I learned that people will always have thoughts/opinions and everyone is entitled to one but if I can liberate myself from myself, the majority of the challenge has been overcome. Also, I have read that learning to enjoy your own company is empowering, it helps you to learn about yourself. You can be alone and not feel lonely or you can be in the company of people without losing yourself. Constantly learning to get out of my own way, which is a book by Tyrese Gibson I read probably in 2013/2104.

Do you sometimes feel like you are standing in your own way, or self-sabotaging?