Celibacy
It’s been eight months 21 days, 43 mins and 15 seconds since I decided to become celibate…...and counting.
Was this an individual choice? Was I influenced by outside forces? Am I aware of what I am signing myself up for? WHY am I taking this road less traveled?
Yes, no, yes and because I have a damn good reason why I decided to go on this journey. I won’t spend much time explaining what celibacy is because you should have learned about the history and origin from the previous blog posts, by Alli Mofor and Reflex in this series of NO SEX ZONE!
I live in a world where society tells me, a woman, that I can’t be in charge of my own body. It tells me that I can’t control what goes into it, it regulates my body with laws and religions, it tells me who, when, where, how, and what I should do with it. It teaches me little to no education on how my complex reproductive system works and if I want to find out more about my body, I would have to go digging in an outdated resources that haven’t been updated in five to 10 years.
Fun Fact: Did you know women can have two uterus and some have crooked vaginas?
Of course you didn’t, because talking about woman’s body or reproductive system is a grey area in our society that makes people “uncomfortable” and that shames women from sharing their experience and most importantly shame them from learning about their reproductive system.
I consider myself an advocate for reproductive justice. Reproductive justice is the complete physical, mental, spiritual, political, economic and social well-being of women and girls. Reproductive justice will be achieved when women and girls have the economic, social and political power to make health decisions about their bodies, sexuality, and reproduction. Until that is achieved, I will continue to fight for our right to be fully in control of our bodies.
why I choose that path of celibacy?
I choose to become celibate on August 28th, 2018 because I was ANGRY, I was UPSET, I was Frustrated! and disappointed... in myself. I had failed my identity as an advocate by allowing my body to contract an STI. I felt I had lost control of my body. The body that I have worked so hard to gain control of. How could I have let this happen? How could I have been so foolish to jeopardize my reproductive system by allowing it to become infected? Why didn’t I use a condom? Why didn’t I ask for his status? So many questions were running through my head. Am I practicing what I preach? Am I a true advocate? But everyone make mistakes…..right….right…?? STIs are harmful to both genders but it has a greater impact on women. Again, we have a highly complex reproductive system. An STI gone untreated could cause long term damages such as infertility, cervical cancer and pelvic inflammatory disease.
Thank the seven heavens that I had a common STI that was easily treatable. It required one pill and cleared up in a matter of weeks. What upset me is that I allowed it to happen to me, a whole me! A Strong reproductive Advocate. I was UPSET! I was FRUSTRATED!And I was ANGRY!Apart of being a reproductive justice advocate is educating about safe sex. That is consensual sex, knowing a partner status, using a condom etc. I spent majority of my college career facilitating workshop, attending conferences, and educating college students on this topic.But everyone makes mistakes right….right…?? [1] [2] [3]
How did I allow myself to lose control of my body?
In these eight months, 21 days, 45 mins and 15 seconds, I have taken the time to re-evaluate why I became an advocate for reproductive justice. I really wanted to revisit the definition as related to my own life. What I have learned about advocacy over the years is that it’s easier to advocate for someone else but it’s difficult to advocate for yourself. It became easier for me to advocate for women affected by things such as FGM, rape, sexual assaults and gender inequality, which are all things that encompass the fight for reproductive justice. I was so deep in my advocacy looking outwards, that I forgot to to look inwards. I realize that I need to pay more attention to the complete physical, mental, and spiritual well being of my body. Celibacy became a way for me to refocus my energy on what is important and ground myself on what I needed to do. I am huge advocate for self care and this was another reason for me to take care of myself and I needed it.
Celibacy is a choice. It shouldn’t be forced on an individual based on societal pressures. It should be your own understanding and purpose of why you choose to embark on such journey.For women, this choice is much easier than for men[4] [5] . In a world where we are taught to equate our self worth with chastity, in a world where our sexual reproductive freedom is controlled by men, celibacy becomes a common practice for us to uphold. Society sorta kinda “expect” us to be celibate. This idea can be use as a weapon to harm or narrow our knowledge of our reproductive systems. Yes, it’s a choice but women must understand how this choice is rooted in the systemic oppression of reproductive justice. Woman are preached the idea of celibacy by society more than men. This idea targets women more than men. Why is that? Because society wants to cage us in this box that disables us from exploring our sexuality.
We don’t even talk about the fact that having sex can teach us greatly about our reproductive system! If you are with a partner that you trust, you can learn so many things about your body! They can help you explore pleasure points that you didn’t even know existed. We, women, have to reclaim this choice by setting our own rules, our own boundaries and our own limitations on what it means to be celibate.
Again, celibacy is a choice. This choice is expected more from women than men. Men in our society are shamed or laugh at when they decide to claim the identity of being celibate. Because it’s seen as being more feminine and less masculine (laughs in toxic masculinity). This is why I applaud such persons, like my brother, Reflex, who courageously shared his story, talking about his 7 years journey, and lucidly explaining his reasons.
It’s a tough path to follow because sex is natural to us. Going against nature requires a great level of strength.
For me there is no time or limit to how long I will continue to be celibate. This could last a month, a year, or even a day. What I do understand and I am very affirmative in my understanding is as to why, I choose to be celibate. I texted Uncle AK as I wrote this post and said “I am being very vulnerable in this blog post, but I think it’s important for people to know and to learn.”
I believe what I said wholeheartedly. This topic has many levels and complexities, based on people’s experiences and our intersecting personalities. This raw vulnerability allows us to connect with others and hopefully encourage others to share their story.
I will leave you with a quote, because all the other blogs post on this series decided to insert quotes or end with quotes, I guess I will continue the tradition 🙄🙄 Hahahahaha
“Just because they want to push us into the 19th century, there’s no reason for us to go there. We’re going to take charge of our bodies and lives!” - Loretta Ross
‘A reproductive justice pioneer’
