What is(are) your challenge(s)?
For a moment it feels like I am on cruise control… smooth sailing… No potholes or hash waves… yet?! Then my mind kicks in. Wait a minute! Are there really no potholes/harsh waves or am I just oblivious to them? Am I missing something? Then I catch myself and say; just be, enjoy the good feeling or whatever it is while it lasts... For whatever is, is. And whatever will be, will be. There isn't much we have control over outside ourselves… Then boom! It’s like I blinked and the potholes/hash waves showed up. I catch my breath and try to process it all. Did I call upon the potholes/waves by just imagining it or was it there all along? What did I miss? Was I living in lala land? Then I beat yourself up over and over, I wonder if I should allow myself to feel the unpleasant feeling, acknowledge what it is rather than suppress/resist it or tell myself to get over it. In a memory flash, there were moments things felt so close within my grasp but in a split second, it now feels so far, almost out of reach. Like it slipped through my fingers unbeknownst to me.
To hold on tightly or to let go? Well, I could hold on tightly to nothingness... My mind goes in circles, then I find something to distract me. Read something, write down my thoughts to let them go and/or go for a walk… During those moments, a message or messages come to me… Find the lesson, accept the process and keep moving… Easier said than done! Does that sound like something you've experienced? Possibly?! Could be work/career-related, health, family/relationships, where/how you would like life's journey to proceed/unfold. Well, life is challenging… it wasn't promised to be easy. But it is said to be worthwhile if you are open minded to find the lesson and keep going.
On Sunday, Oct 6th, 2019, I attended the book launch for Beyond Challenges: Survival stories of African Immigrant Physicians on life, love and the practice of medicine; while heading home, something in my gut suddenly didn’t feel right but I couldn’t place a finger on it. So I struggled with the “think positive” mindset rather than trying to dig through to find what was wrong in order to validate my negative feelings/thoughts but it wasn’t working. As the days unfolded, I agreed/disagreed with myself on what could possibly be misaligned.
It took one person, two weeks later to notice something different in me and asked a specific question. I typically respond to specific questions with specific answers and general questions with general answers. I’m not very much of a talker to start with and I don’t typically wear my emotions on my sleeves, so for someone to notice something different, it meant it was time to figure out the underlying issue(s). Not wearing my emotions on my sleeves doesn’t necessarily translate to not being emotionally expressive because best believe that if I feel a certain way about something/someone, be it good or otherwise, it will be communicated somehow/somewhat. In my moment of self-reflection, it occurred to me that I had been in and out of a ‘weird’ mental space since the second week of August. I used previously learned mental and behavioral strategies to navigate my way through but it was getting more and more challenging.
It so happened I had just finished reading a previous book and I thought, what an interesting timing to begin reading Beyond challenges in addition to another book I was reading in the morning to set my mind for the day; The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod which had been recommended a while ago by one of the authors of Beyond Challenges, Dr. Nina Lum. Even though I’m not a physician nor am I on the path to becoming one, I felt empowered by the stories shared in this book. I loved the varying perspectives and concepts shared on how the authors navigated through their challenges. The experiences shared had me on an emotional rollercoaster wondering how these women navigated an already challenging journey to becoming a physician with the challenges of life. I found mental strength through their stories and here are some lines that stuck with me…
“What was an obstacle could very well become a stepping stone. Today’s failure definitely does not discredit tomorrow’s success.” Dr. Omerine Aseh
“Resilience to me is to not lose efficacy and functionality despite being bent out of shape. To rebuild, rebrand and regrow after trial. In many ways; the mindset we have about how we approach challenges can be redeveloped and refined through seasons of challenges. This marks the difference between the person who gets worn down by the past to the point of losing efficiency in one domain of their life far into the future and the one who rises above these travails and soar as an eagle would… own your pain” Dr. Nina Lum
I had an ‘ah-ha” moment after reading the above lines. I paused, re-read it and closed the book to let in the sink.
“Protect your most valuable asset-you… While success masks our mistakes, failure gives us the opportunity to reflect and improve.” Dr. Enka Yembe.
We can’t give what we don’t have. We can’t pour from an empty cup. During my time in/out of this weird mental space, the few who asked questions got answers to the best of my ability to explain to their understanding. Those who made an assumption of my silence/absence, I let them have it that way because I had no mental energy to explain/justify given that an assumption was already made. Not everyone is into reading behavioral changes so it wasn’t an expectation to be figured out and besides, people have their own fair share of challenges to handle. So it was my challenge to figure myself out, not a community project. It certainly helps to have some sort of emotional support because no one is an island. However, sometimes it seems like we just want to put a band-aid on whatever it is and keep moving because there's no 'time/patience' to sit with it. Also, there’s a challenge of knowing when to sit with it/own your pain and for how long? How long is good enough? We don't live in bubbles… even though sometimes life may feel that way temporarily, not permanently.
“Doubts cloud your mind to success and makes failure your only focus… today I see my doubts, I acknowledge my doubts, I own my doubts and I’m determined to move past my doubts… to be without doubt is not human.” Dr. Sirri Bonu
“The dawn would offer renewed strength and I would push on.” Dr. Susan Mbu
I tend to find a sense of renewed strength at the dawn of a new day; my favorite part of the day is the morning hours. I try to find something to be grateful for as I crawl into bed at night and I say to myself, with the privilege and opportunity to see a new day, it means it is another opportunity to do better and be better.
“The sun shines far away even on cloudy days and when you least expect it, a glimmer of light might burst through and brighten your day..“ Dr. Maureen Muke.
“Viewing a setback (temporary condition) as a failure (chronic condition) can destroy one’s vision and mindset. It is easy to start feeling like a victim of circumstance… Most of life’s outcomes do not depend on what went wrong, but on how you managed the challenges you faced… people are only as faithful as their options… freedom is overrated and choice is under-rated… gratitude is an antidote to misery and pride” Dr. Bi Akwen Tadzong-Fomundam
“A dream delayed is not a dream deferred.” Dr. Shirley Ayuk-Takem
“The different iterations of yourself are necessary. They require you to consciously participate in your growth.” Dr. Raissa Fobi.
“Be authentic; your story, history all brought you to this moment and there is a reason for that. Be mindful… “ Dr. Isabelle Mulango“You have to acknowledge there is a problem, you have to be willing to do something about it. Where there is a will, there is a way and consequently you have to act (by seeking help and executing changes) in order to prevent dire outcomes.” Dr. Clarisse Tallah
“Fortitude… Gratitude… Teamwork… Communication… Self-forgiveness.” Dr. Anita Sangong
“I may be a minority but I am not a minor player in life.” Dr. Irene Bih Wakam
“Life is not about being the best. It is about becoming better every day…” Dr. Grace A. Neba Fobi
“Dreams are meant to be held onto even when the path seems daunting… even others do not believe in you or doubt the choice you make, always believe in yourself and find that inner strength to keep forging ahead and staying grounded.” Dr. Luegenia Ndi
What is(are) your challenge(s)? Have you been in a situation where the strategies you used before to get through challenging moments in the past didn’t seem to be helpful in a recent/current situation? If yes, what did you do differently? How did you navigate through what seemed to be new territories? What is your story? Have you read the book mentioned? If yes; share your thoughts? If not, grab a copy and join the conversation. You don’t necessarily have to be a physician or on the path to becoming one. It sure will be especially inspiring/motivating if you are. Even if you aren’t, there’s a lot to be learned which can be applied in other areas of life. We are more connected and similar than we are different, irrespective of our journeys in life.
In retrospect, I recalled a previous blog post I wrote about the dynamics of the mind and the Stuck in the Middle Podcast interview with Adebisi Adebowale about her journey to Upliftology and I felt uplifted. The power of a shared story!